random worrisome joint pains

so i have a tendency to ignore my body or just be entirely clued out about it (i'm sure rooting in gender dysphoria/survivor biz), but for the last several days, when i wake up from sleeping, i'm experiencing some pretty intense joint pain, especially in my wrists and elbows. to the point where i'm noticing it. and then noticing it again.

and then there's my troublesome back. that feels crooked and out of sorts. and painful. sometimes i think i'm right on the edge of it giving out massively and making it impossible to sit up or move without pain. what the fuck is going on??

when i a) get a job b) get health insurance, i'm going to do some serious investigation into acupuncture or possible PT or chiropractic-ness, but right now, i'm not sure how to be intentional/preventative/responsive about all this random pain. should i be worried? i'm also having lots of hands/arms/feet falling asleep biz. totally fucken weird. anyone got any suggestions?

yesterday was a book/travel theory day. i worked my way through a pile of articles, some fantastic, like becky thompson's dissection of cuban progressive tourism and how white tourists in cuba who romanticize the socialist revolution and refuse to see the ways that neocolonialism continues both in policy and in folks consciousness actually are conscious/unconscious proponents of continued white supremacy. she's a smartiepantz.

i read another good article about myticism and india and the (mostly white) north american tourist searching for meaning, for spirituality, for the exotic. and how that plays into this dynamic of lusting for the base meaning of things or the ways things were even when that tourist is actually one of the components that changed all those things. now i have to synthesize all these things and make a coherent, well-argued paper out of them. groan.

and i have over 30 submissions for my book project, 15 that i'm actually excited about and thinking seriously about using. still doing some targeted outreach to fill in holes. really interested in people writing about dis/ability, being parents, gender (specifically identifying or having to do with gender outside of the gender binary), bi-national relationships, and folks who have are bi-national themselves or are writing about such things. all these things in relation to international travel. if you haven't seen it, my call for submissions is one of the sidebar options under 'my project.' check it out and if you or anyone you know might have interest, please please be in touch! i'm getting into the process of starting to edit and put together a proposal package for publishers, but i'm flexible about adding dynamic, exciting pieces during that process.

i've been procrastinating this feature on the transforming justice conference that i'm writing for make/shift. i have a draft but i wanna call some of the organizers and get some perspective/quotes from them. and i have overriding phone phobia right now which doesn't bode well for those calls. yikes.

socket is sposed to be coming into town today!?! and janet in a couple of days!! visitors!! people who know me beyond a month!! :)))

have i mentioned how much i love my house?? and how much i love my new roomate jill??? and how things are tough and lonely and confusing, but this is definitely the place i need to be and so exciting and full of possibility and lovely people who are being incredible/thoughtful/welcoming/amazing to me? it's all true kiddos.